Compassion

Today I have been feeling a little stressed. Stressed because there was a lot going on today, my house is a mess, it's almost Halloween, we are still waiting for our job offer to arrive etcetera etcetera. After an already long day of activities we journeyed out to run some errands. Not exactly my favorite thing to do on a Saturday but sometimes necessary. We got home and were unloading groceries when Sofie decides to have a meltdown. She was quite intent on having us go on a ride in the stroller but as I mentioned, no can do because we had a load of groceries in hand to take inside. The meltdown continued for several minutes. As I was already feeling a bit stressed amongst my other emotional issues of the day, I myself felt the need for a meltdown. So upstairs I went to give myself a timeout and a good cry to let it all out. I always seem to feel a lot better if I can have a good cry, don't you? I've heard that it's good because it releases toxins. Anyway, as I'm having my timeout/meltdown/bawl session I hear my girls coming up the stairs. I knew it was only a matter of a few moments before they found me. Sure enough their radar was impeccable. There they were clamoring onto the bed within seconds. I assumed I would just get more whining and crying on their part but was surprised when the following happened:

Lili laid down next to me and said,"mommy, why are you sad? I don't want you to be sad. It's alright." Then I turned my head and my dear sweet little Sofie put her little hand to my face and began stroking my cheek all the while saying "is arigh, is alrigh mommy." She kept rubbing my cheek and saying it over and over. Lili then sang me "Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam" to help me feel better. My tears of frustration and self pity turned into tears of joy. How on earth was I blessed with such wonderful caring babies?

It always seems that when I am in my darkest moments and feeling awful that it is then that I am reminded of the wonderful gift I've been given and what the true source of joy is. Who cares if my house is a mess and we have no money to even pay our bills? That stuff is temporal. My beautiful family is eternal and I am oh so grateful to have them, meltdowns and all.

Popularity

Growing up I always wanted to be popular. Who doesn't? I wanted to be in, hip, cool, I wanted hair like Kellie McGillis in Top Gun (That was the must have hair style when I was in 7th grade). I wanted the coolest clothes Benetton, Esprit and of course a pair of Tretorns (if you don't know what those are then you must not have grown up in the 80's). I did get the tretorns and had my signature Benetton bag oh, and of course my GUESS jeans. That was what you had to have to be popular in those days. Of course, having all that name brand stuff got me nowhere in the popularity circles. Sure I had friends but I didn't have "the" friends. Looking back I don't think it would've been possible for me to be popular when I was a choir and drama geek. Maybe in some schools you can be cool and be in choir but it wasn't that way in mine.

As I got older my level of "popularity" didn't matter to me as much. Especially once I got to college. Actually, what I think it was was that I actually had friends, a lot of them, and it didn't matter to anyone really what you wore. Finally there were no more clicks and I had somewhat gotten over my need to feel accepted by "cool" people. I say somewhat because of course I still wanted to be accepted by "cool" guys. Who doesn't want that when they are 19?

When I was dating "I" I don't think I felt a need any longer to be so popular. All I wanted was to be with him so it didn't matter so much how many friends I had. Don't get me wrong, I have always thought of my friends as important, just at that time "I" fulfilled most of my social needs.

So now we come to today. I am again feeling the need to be popular. I have been tracking my blog and I realize that pathetically, no one reads it. OK, like 3 people read it. I am considering going public again. Maybe it would help me feel more popular if even an occasional lurker read my blog. Anyway, if you do read it will you please post a comment so I can feel some love. I need some love people!

p.s. Here's a pic of the infamous Tretorns

Patience

I recently read a post that a friend of mine wrote on her blog about not being able to wait for anything and I was amazed at how much alike we are. My mother used to always say how impatient I was and that I was always in a hurry to grow up. When I was little I guess it made her sad to have me be in such a hurry. She wanted me to stay a little girl as along as possible. I have to admit that my lack of patience has always been my downfall. I am always wanting things to happen on my timetable. Like getting my drivers license (I failed twice before I passed on try number 3 and was 16 and a half before I got it!), or having my first date or first kiss (I won't tell you how old I was for that but let's just say I waited a LONG time!). I couldn't wait to get married but oh how my patience was tried in this department. Not only was I 28 when I got married but I had been dating Ivan for nearly 3 years when it happened. I think he just wanted me to learn more patience on that one.

Then of course came the time for having a baby which again I had to wait for. After nearly a year of trying we finally got pregnant with Lili. I really do have a hard time with this patience thing. I always like to look ahead at what my life will be like when.....(when I'm married, when I have kids, when we are done with school, you get the idea.)

About a year ago I started with this fantasy of what my life would be like when we graduated. I had it all planned out. Ivan would graduate in April, GM would call us a few weeks later and we'd be moving to MI by June. Ivan would start a design job there and we would live happily every after in Sterling Heights. This was my plan. I knew it had to work. Why wouldn't it? Ivan had worked so hard and had impressed a couple of big wigs at GM so why not? So thus far none of my plans have worked out in the least. Instead of getting a phone call from GM we instead lost the job we had. We spent 4 months unemployed and scraping the bottom of the barrel when it came to money. We have had trial after trial of our faith and still, no call from GM. OK, that's not entirely true. We have gotten calls from GM but unfortunately there is just no budget to hire us at this time. During all of this time Ivan has worked overtime on getting his portfolio out and applying for other design jobs. Frustration set in about July I think when we still had gotten no interviews other than an occasional phone contact. Then, it happened, a phone call from a company in San Antonio, TX. They wanted to fly Ivan out for an in person interview. Hallelujah! It wasn't the job we were hoping for but it was something.

Since then we have been anxiously awaiting any news and hoping that something would come of this ONE interview. About 2 weeks ago we got a phone call from Ivan's would be boss saying that an offer letter was on the way. YIPPEE!!! We were so excited to find out what it entailed. Everyday I checked the mail several times but when 5 days had passed and no offer I started to wonder. Again, another phone call. "Um, yeah, sorry, the offer hasn't been sent because it needed to be sign by so and so who is out of town....blah blah blah..., should be in the mail in the next couple of days." Hmm....so again we waited...nothing.....another 6 days had passed and nothing. So today the story was "oh, yeah, um....it hasn't been sent yet because so and so and so and so need to sign it first which won't happen until tomorrow" AHHHH!!! Can we just say that I have definitely now lost my patience. I mean really, does the CEO really have to sign off on a offer for an entry level design job?? OK, maybe he does, but still. I think that this perhaps is another lesson for me in patience. I hate being patient!! Ivan and I watched this movie the other night where God has a role (OK, Morgan Freeman has a role playing God) and he says something like "If we pray for patience, do you think God gives you patience or does he give you the opportunity to be patient?" Only problem is that I never prayed for patience. (I know better than that!!)

Facebook

I think I have found a new hobby. I don't know why really I am a little obsessed with facebook but it has become my new favorite thing. So what if it's mostly used by teens and college kids, I'm not that old right? I think my obsession stems from the ability to look up people. I LOVE looking up old friends and finding out what's going on in their lives. At this point however I have not found very many of them (although, I know some of them must be there). Speaking of friends, I can not believe how many "friends" some of these people on facebook have. I saw a girl with almost 700 "friends". How on earth does one obtain so many friends and how would you know all of them really? I can't quite figure it out. Perhaps this really is just because I'm jealous of all the friends people have. I am at a measly 13 right now. That's pretty pathetic. One day I aspire to having more than 13, perhaps I could even reach 20, yes, 20 friends could be my goal. So if you're on facebook please, please look me up so we can be friends and you can help me obtain my goal! (I really am pathetic aren't I?)

Name Dropping

Recently my hubby and I have had a bit of an obsession with playing the "degrees of separation" game. We've been quite amazed at how many famous (and infamous people) we are linked to. It also gives us a false sense of importance but we all need some ego stroking every now and again don't we? So here are some of our most famous connections:

1. The Prophet. We are just 2 degrees away from good ol' President Hinckley. "I" is good friends with the Gonzales family. As you may recall Elder Gonzales was recently called to the presidency of the Seventy so of course he must know the Prophet on a pretty personal level.



2. The Hummer "H2" (not a person but a celebrity none the less). Again "I" knows the guy who designed that beautiful automobile. In fact that "guy" has given a personal recommendation for "I" to be hired at GM. Too bad he has no control over the budget!



3. We are 2 degrees from the King of Pop!. That's right, the gender and racially confused Micheal Jackson himself! My brother in law's best friend (whom I happen to know as well) is (or was, not sure) Micheal's family doctor. Their kids even play together.



4. Well, since we are only 2 degrees from Micheal then we are only 4 degrees from "The King", Elvis Presley. (Are you impressed yet?)



5. Don't break my Achy breaky Heart baby! The "King" of the mullet that is. Billy Ray Cyrus. We are 3 degrees away from him. My aunt lived just down the street from Billy Ray's mama in Flatwoods, KY, Billy Ray's hometown.



6. Maradona! Only the greatest soccer player ever to walk the planet! Two degrees away from him. (man are we on a roll or what?)We know the guy who used to make fine apparel for the "King of Futbol".



7. Tom Cruise, 2 degrees away from him. My cousin was in Top Gun with him. (so...he doesn't really know Tom but it counts anyway right?)



8. Since Tom is on the list then we have to add to the soccer category the best looking player (or at least the richest) David Beckham. Just 3 degrees folks! Ok...well, unless you count "I"'s encounter with Coby Jones who is Beckham's team mate now so that would make it just 2 degrees.



So I could go on and on but you get the picture. How impressed are you with our list? What does your list look like? I dare you to beat Beckham and Elvis!

House of Flies

So I've decided that when the world was being created and things were made to afflict and torment man that the first thing that was created was the fruit fly. How awful are these little creatures? I think they were put on earth just to torment me. Last summer when we lived in Cincinnati we had a BIG fruit fly problem (and ants too but that's a long story in and of itself). No matter what I did I just couldn't get rid of them. I would think they were gone and then they would be back. I got very good at killing them though. I developed a great amount of hand eye coordination as I would grab them one handed while they were mid flight. For anyone who has every tried to catch a fruit fly you know how difficult this can be. So anyway,I was determined not to have a fruit fly problem again. I have been very careful to make sure to put all my produce away and not leave anything sweet or otherwise tempting for them out.

All of that went down the toilet when I came home from the store with 2 tomatoes last week. I had seen them (the fruit flies) at the store hovering over the tomato selection so I carefully made sure to pick 2 that were not as ripe and looked otherwise healthy. As soon as I got home the tomatoes went in the fridge and that evening I used both of them in the salad I made. So where on earth did the fruit flies come from? It has been since that day that I now can not get rid of them to save my sanity. One day I killed 20 of them in my upstairs bathroom. Anyone know why on earth they would go to the bathroom to hang out?? That one stumps me. I think they like water and have determined that perhaps they are like Gremlins and multiply if they get water on them somehow. Yes, that must be what it is. So today I am still killing fruit flies and practicing my hand eye coordination. (I had gotten a little out of practice since last summer)Again, this must be what is meant to torment me.

Miracles

Over the past couple of years I have truly come to appreciate the small miracles that occur each and every day. Some days of course are more generous in the miracle department than others. Having 2 small children makes me appreciate little miracles such as getting through the day without a major meltdown. Or having both of my children sleep through the night (definitely a miracle at my house). I still even appreciate the miracle of being able to take a shower at some point during the day. Today has been no exception when it comes to miracles. The miracles that happened today :

1. I was able to fold and put away 2 big baskets full of laundry and wash 2 more loads (you have no idea how big of a miracle this is!)

2. Somehow BOTH of my children took a nap (again, I cannot emphasize enough the greatness of such a miracle!)

3. I stepped on the scale fully expecting to be depressed when to my delight I had lost 5 pounds and all without really trying. (maybe now I will put a little effort into it!)

4. I took the girls to "Pumpkin land" and everyone had a marvelous time AND we were able to leave without a meltdown.

5. Perhaps the greatest miracle of today was going to the mailbox and finding not 1 but 2 checks for money that was owed to us by the hoodlums that shot out our car window over a year and a half ago. I cannot honestly express how big of a miracle and blessing this is for us at this time. Our unemployment has run out and Ivan just barely started a job today but will not get paid until the end of the month. I have been wondering how we were going to make it with $100 left to our name and bills to pay. The only thing I could do when I opened those checks was to cry and then offer up a very heartfelt prayer of gratitude to my Heavenly Father. Coincidence that we got that money at this time? I think not!

6. Last but certainly not least, both of my girls were ready for bed by 8 o'clock and I was able to get Sofi to sleep by 8:20. (Hmm.....lots of miracles centered around sleep huh?)

I am sure there are other miracles that I am failing to recognize so these will have to do for now. It makes me happier when I realize the good things that have happened during a day. I remember once a letter I got from a relative when I was going through a rough time and her advice to me was to be grateful and show my gratitude. It is true that when we focus on the good stuff that the bad stuff doesn't seem so bad and when we find things to be grateful for we can be much happier. What miracles have happened in your life recently?

I've been Tagged!

So here it goes:

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Ten years ago I was starting my final year at Ricks College (yes that's Rick's not BYUI. I'm so old!). I had been home from m mission for about 6 months and was enjoying being a hot commodity at school. Back then since it was a 2 year school there weren't many of us sister RM's. I had a lot of fun that semester and enjoyed all the attention I got. I was taking 18 credits and did surprisingly well (must've been those great study skills I learned on the mish). I had my heart broken a million times but that's because I was in love with anything that moved. Ahh...those were the days! What a fun time in my life. I'm glad I had such opportunities to spread my wings. It has made me much more grateful to be settled down with a family of my own. No more drama! (OK, a little bit of drama, but who can get away from drama when you have a 3 year old?)

What were you doing 5 years ago?

I was still in newlywed bliss. Ivan and I had been married for 2 months, had enjoyed our wonderful honeymoon to Hawaii (sigh....) and were now living in a basement apartment in Orem. Ivan was working full time at Noni and I was looking for a job. I was enjoying my new role as wife and lady of the house.

One Year Ago. . .

Ivan and I had just come back from a lovely summer in Cincinnati. He was starting his senior year at BYU and I was busy taking care of Lili and Sofi. Sofi had just started walking and was into everything. Also, Ivan's dad had started to get very ill. This was a tough time for all of us.

Yesterday. . .

Can I blog about Saturday instead? It was much more blog worthy than yesterday. Saturday I got to go to the General R.S. meeting at the Conference center. I rode up with my friend Laurie and now new friend Kara. We were stuck in traffic for a long time and almost out of gas, not a good situation to be in plus we were running late. Kara and I wound up getting out in the middle of traffic on State street and running 3 blocks in the rain to the Conference center. Unfortunately when we got inside there were no more seats in our section so we had to wait for them to open up other seats which worked to our advantage since we got much better seats than we would have otherwise. Afterwards we went to the Lion House Pantry for a little after conference snack and to wait for traffic to clear so we wouldn't run out of gas in the parking garage. It was a fun girls night out. One I had been needing for a long time! Oh, and the Conference itself was wonderful!

5 snacks that I enjoy. . .

1. Chips and salsa
2. popcorn
3. Cauliflower with ranch dressing
4. fruit (apples, peaches, strawberries...ect...)
5. ok...i admit....chocolate!

Five things I would do with a million dollars

1. Pay off all our debt.
2. buy my husband a newer car so he wouldn't have to drive little red anymore.
3. Go on a humanitarian trip to central/south America
4. Take all of the adults in my family on a very nice vacation (sorry, no kids. There are too many of you and your parents are the ones who deserve a vacation!)
5. Save save save so my posterity would have nest eggs

Five places I would run away to. . .

1. Hawaii
2. Shenandoah National Park
3. Puerto Iguazu, Argentina
4. Spain
5. the south of France

Five TV shows I like

1. American Idol
2. Amazing Race
3. Dancing with the Stars(I am a reality show junkie, I even vote!)
4. Old re runs of Little House on the Prairie
5. Antiques Roadshow

Five things I hate doing

1. Wiping snotty noses
2. getting up before 8 am
3. doing laundry
4. Dishes
5. drying my hair (it takes forever)

Five biggest joys of the moment

1. knowing that soon we'll have a "real" job. ( I know we will, I know we will!)
2. my hubby and 2 beautiful girls.
3. Fall weather!
uhh....I'm having a hard time thinking of 5. Does that make me a pessimist?

Five people I tag

Shauna

She is the only person I know of who has a blog who has not already been tagged.