Thursday, June 18, 2009

To be 5 again.

Sometimes I really wish I was five again. Life was pretty simple then and making friends was so much easier. I watch my little five year old show up at the park and make an instant best friend with a random kid on the playground. How does she do that? There are no clicks or circles to break into. Just a simple hi and a "do you want to play" and that's it, they are buddies, at least for an hour or 2 at the park. I'm really envious that little kids can do that.

I don't know why it has been so hard for me to make friends here. At first it seemed like I would make some good friends and that life would be great but lately I've been feeling, well, friendless. Maybe I ask too much in a friend or maybe I am over analyzing everything that is done by said "would be" friends. All I know is that it really stinks to be the new person.

I still feel like that new person, no, actually, I feel worse than the new person because I have been here 8 months and technically I'm not new anymore. When I was the "new" person everyone was nice and tried to include me and talk to me. Now, I have just been forgotten about.
And now I definitely see and feel the friend groups and the exclusivity of them.

I wonder about people who make friends so easily. What's their secret? I thought that I made friends easily but I think I am mistaken. It used to be easy in college anyway. I think it's that I long for friends who love me for who I am and who accept me as is. For friends that I have things in common with, things that are important to me. So far I have yet to find anyone who is into homeschooling, home birthing, healthy eating and alternative medicine. That's not to say I couldn't be friends with someone who wasn't into any of that stuff, just that all of that is a big part of who I am and I don't feel like anyone accepts that about me.

I suppose a five year old is not as complicated as us adults are and perhaps that is their secret to making friends in an instant. That, and they are OK with making a friend for an hour and then saying goodbye. I am not. When I make a friend, a true friend, I want that friend for life.


Laurie said...

Somehow we're still friends, even though I am not as "alternative" as you. I miss you.

Erin said...

I am sorry you are struggling with finding friends. I think it is hard for anyone that is married with kids to be able to find REALLY good friends! I think of my self as a not so shy person that can make friends easily but although I feel like I have friends I cry to john all of the time that I don't have any REALLY good girlfriends that I could just call up and vent too, go to lunch with on the spur of the moment, be giddy with, or just call to watch a movie with when john is gone for the night.

The thing to remember is that most other girls are probably feeling the same way as you do. When I moved to our new family ward back in january I thought everyone would just welcome me with open arms and not ONE SINGLE person even acknowledged me for a couple of weeks. It was tough. I finally decided that if I wanted to meet people I had to do it on my own. So I decided to just invite 2 girls over to my house for lunch every couple of weeks. If I didn't necessary get along with those girls than at least I got to know them a little better and then I would invite 2 different girls next time. That way if I didn't know them very well at least there were 3 of us to talk so if you didn't necessarily click with the one girl at least it wasn't so awkward. You could start with inviting the girls you visit teach to come over to your house for lunch or something instead of you going to their house. That is what Anna Lord did with me when she was my visiting teaching and that has been my FAVORITE thing with visiting teaching. If you do it with the girls you visit teach too then it isn't quite so "Hey, I don't know you but do you want to come to my house?" it is more like "Hey I visit teach you and was wondering if you wanted to come have lunch with me at my house someday" that takes the embarrassment out of it because it is your "calling" to get to know the girls better.

Good luck with everything. I know it is hard. Pretty much since the day I met John I have lost contact with all of my girlfriends from high school and I still have not met any girls that I just totally clicked with. Of course there are great friends and neighbors from church or playgroups but none that I have met completely on my own separate from them being my neighbor or them having kids my kids age or something. It is hard!!! I hope you find some good friends soon. And remember that you are not alone in wanting some good friends. I think every mom NEEDS some friends and would love to come over to your house and get to know you while having a lunch together!

Good luck! Sorry that was so long!

Erin P